I’m just going to start typing …

It’s been a while since I’ve properly made anything. This is due to changes in life circumstances, time and the general health of my computer/myself. 

Honestly it’s been so long that my desire to make anything is strained. Probably mental health stuff too but theres lots of things that have come up that certainly bug me. 

The lack of anywhere proper to post, to actually have engagement with people who would perhaps want to see my work and this general trend of AI images that have started to flood the space. It’s why I tried my last one as a blend, honestly it came out okay but it wasn’t fulfilling. The demise of Twitter as we know it and preceded by Tumblr was the writing on the wall really. Discord grows smaller by the month due to me not posting enough and honestly I would’ve loved to open that up to everyone but when I’d been targeted and people shutting down everywhere I post it was necessary to keep it locked. Couple that with all the BS drama that unfolded a few years ago because someone decided they didn’t like me or how I did things I’m surprised I carried on. 

When you do something for free it starts to show when you take time off, you start to ask yourself if you enjoy what you do in your free time and when sometimes the answer from your head is “No” it’s hard to justify the time sink. 

I’ve also seen a disturbing amount of fakes that have bled into the mainstream apps claiming to be real. While this isn’t new it’s become more prevalent with general users accepting this and the post from said artist getting recognition and thousands, if not tens of thousands, of likes. 

It’s kind of demoralising. 

So I guess I’m not sure if I will come back but I won’t say I never will. Unless things change this end it’s just too difficult to have the free time to put in like I did. Gone are the days of 10+ posts a day. I’m lucky if I can do 1 in 10 months now. 

It’s kind of sad to let something fizzle out when I genuinely enjoyed what I did as a hobby. But given the fact I always felt like I had imposter syndrome and thinking everyone else was better at what I did … it’s hard to find that spark that made me keep going. 

And honestly that initial spark was depression. That’s not gone away really but I have other ways now of treating it and trying to live my life. 

As the title suggests … I just started typing to see what came out. This is the result. 

I have no time to do anything these days ... BUT ...

Been a while.

Been messing around with AI and blending them with faking,

Enjoy!

 Subjugated Senator.

Life ... uh, finds a way. (New MBB)

Hey all.

Life has been pretty brutal recently. Broken equipment, responsibilities and all that fun stuff.

I found a few spare moments to make something with my busted gear. 

If  you're still here wanting to see my stuff I thank you :) 

Enjoy.

Suspended again.

So I take 2 months off to chill and focus on other things. 

Then I come back to post a couple of new images and find I’m already hit with a locked account. 

I then jump through their hoops of suggested deletion of posts to unlock account and all is well. 

Then I post two new images and then suspended a day later with no chance to appeal. 

Twitter is wild man, haha! 

Thoughts …

 Hey all. 

I’m back with another dump of my thoughts. I like to do this every so often as a way to get things off my chest and hopefully give you some insight to myself. It’s not because I want you to know every last detail of what I think but I know myself well enough that when I keep things in my head they fester and effect me on a day to day level. 

I guess more recently my time has been stretched thin. I’m working lots right now and it seems like I have no time for my hobby. My free time at the moment is filled with adulting. While this is fine the itch to create grows stronger when this happens. It’s hard not to resent the thing I “have” to do when all I want to do is create things. This is usually why I put out a group of old photos as a tweet, usually themed around a certain celeb … it gives me something to distract myself from the mundane (and it’s always nice to look back on past things I’ve made and be proud of them) I don’t really like Twitter all that much but it’s a way to show people my stuff in a quick and in the moment way. 

Twitter is really my only place to put out everything I do to a wider audience. Yes, everything new is here on blogspot with a curated selection of past images too but it’s more of a gallery than anything else. I started putting my feet fakes over on Deviantart too as they are non-nude and, at the moment, don’t seem to be getting flagged or deleted. With what has happened in the past with people targeting me/reporting my Twitter (and everywhere else on the internet I try) this blogspot will hopefully always remain. Just in case everything gets taken down again it’s best to see my new stuff here. I have been trying to make the blog look better to when I have the chance but either the editing tools are lacklustre or I can’t figure out how to edit it in HTML. I don’t know, I’ll keep trying. 

There’s been a resurgence recently of people asking for commissions or requests (as well as other things, I’ll get to that!) while this is usually the case it seems to have doubled. I’ll try to explain as to why I don’t do these … 

Back when I started 7 years ago there seemed to be less people in the faking game. I spent about a year learning how to actually make things and use Photoshop. During this time I mostly had people saying everything I made was awful, that I should quit and just generally bad feedback from the things I made. While it was demoralising I knew it’s how I wanted/needed to spend my free time. So I continued on and eventually found a ONE person who liked my stuff and they championed me saying I should continue. With everything I’ve done I have always thought “If one person who sees my art and likes it then it was worth the time to make it” so I continued on. I started to do commissions for them for a short time. While doing this I took some from anonymous people too and it was okay but that one person who championed me didn’t want random people. They wanted a celeb. So for a couple of months this is what happened but after some time we actually became friends and spoke about more than just porn art. So I stopped charging them for the art, stopped requests from people all together and just made stuff when they asked me for it because it was never frequent. 

7 years later … this is still the case and we’re still friends. 

I don’t do commissions and requests now because I don’t feel I have the time and honestly I don’t want to disappoint or let people down if things take too long. There also the backlash when you make something you’re proud of and then the person doesn’t like what you’ve made and starts with the hate. I also don’t believe in charging for my work nowadays. 

Honestly that’s one of the weirdest and hardest things to deal with online for me. I know there so much conversation around trolls and online bullying/hate theses day but if you’ve never experienced it first hand it’s hard to understand how it feels. I’m not talking about little troll comments either, I’m talking about focused and malicious comments/posts/campaigns. People show and tell me things what people say and it just confuses me. People who fabricate this false persona of me or insinuate that I do things based on false pretences. It’s just odd. Now I get there will always be people like that and when you create things people will always been drawn to you as a focal point of either their inspiration or hate but most of the time the people that hate never take the time to talk to you directly or even try to garner your point of view as to why you do things. It’s funny to read just what these people think is happening in their heads when you know yourself that it just isn’t the case. 

I’ve seen it a lot where people don’t agree that I put my stuff out for free, don’t take requests/commissions or engage with others that do this. The simple truth to all of this is that I don’t tend to engage with others that do this because I’ve been burnt before and I’ve seen the hate it seemingly generates. I keep to myself when it comes to making stuff. I actually mute 99% of the people I follow on Twitter and the 1% I don’t is because they’ve reached out, actually had a conversation with me and we’ve got on well. I also see a lot of people treating what they do like a business, like it’s a sole form of income, while this is fine for others to do I have never wanted that to be the case for me. I’m not sure why but it’s been said to me on multiple occasions that me making stuff for free “dilutes” the pool. Like me making stuff for free takes away money to them. Weird because I don’t think that, if you’re making money from your images then that’s awesome … but they’re your images and not mine. People will want to buy your stuff because it’s yours. My work should have no effect because it’s from a different artist. If for some reason your work isn’t being commissioned then that is not my fault. Just a weird situation. I don’t care about money, I never have, it doesn’t drive me. 

And, if for some reason you’re one of the people who do hate/send hate towards me and are reading this, I forgive you. I have nothing against you. I think I simply would wish to understand where it comes from but perhaps you yourself don’t know that either. Either way, you won’t get any hate from me personally or any general interaction because my mental health really can deal with that. 

As I’ve stated a lot of times I started this for my mental health. I used it as a way to silence the bad thoughts and create something I could be proud of and share it with people. That still holds true. That’s another reason I don’t charge for the work I do. I make what I want to see first and foremost and share it. I have a full time job that takes most of my time, then home life and friends. I actually have very little time to sit down and make things (Another reason for no requests and commissions) So when I do I like to not have external restrictions on me because my own brain/depression/anxiety do that just fine without anything else. 

There may come a time I retire … heck I’ve thought about doing it for years but I do enjoy the finished work and I love that people like them too. It’s what keeps me making stuff. That and I always strive to be better at what I do. 

Thank you if you’ve taken it on yourself to share my work anywhere, I appreciate it and I will never ask people to do that. You do that on your own metrics and it’s awesome. Thank you for the likes and in helping me rebuild after my 40k+ Twitter account was taken down. I wouldn’t do this without the people who like my stuff. Thank you Thank you. 

Until the next rant, 

Danny. 

I’m not sure why I’m writing this…

I guess for a while now I’ve wanted to write my thoughts down but have never really been able to articulate it well. I don’t think I can now, even though I’m forcing myself to just write what comes to mind. Let’s see what come out. 

You may/or may not have noticed a shift in how and what I make. This is obviously intentional on my part and that is for a few reasons. The main reason is simply because it’s the sort of style I want to make right now. I’ve always wanted to be able to draw, and if I could I would be able to make the things in my head more of a reality, but I have found myself putting hours and hours into photo manipulation instead of drawing. I’ve also started to not care as much about realism and have started introducing more exaggerated elements and a more painted style to my images. The painted style is a mix of blending but also physical painting with a Wacom tablet. I want to create more a more digital paint looking style without it looking like an action has been used via photoshop because they always look cheap to me. I want to be able to see the lines I’ve manipulated and worked on. Perhaps I’ll try to teach myself how to draw digitally(or other means) one day and work on it but I always think I should build on the skills I’ve developed already. 

I guess for me it’s become apparent over the last few years that there is an abundance of people now who make fakes. For me it seems a little pointless for myself to add to the already saturated scene with things that can be viewed easily and anywhere. I started faking 7 years ago and back then it seemed like the art form was dying out with barely anyone making new things. Fast forward to now and there’s hundreds of people making stuff (As well as Deepfakes) and with the influx of more people making things comes the inevitable drama I see a lot of the time. I don’t want to be associated by proxy with this small group of people but it always seems to happen. I tend to stay away from it these days as that’s not why I do this but you can’t help but see things. It seems weird to me that people “compete” with each other or feel “threatened” by others that share their hobby. It’s why I stay away from it and barely engage with it all. That being said I do miss the connectivity from what was once my old Twitter and Discord communities. They are smaller now which is all good but they aren’t as lively as they once were. 

Which brings me onto how lonely it can feel when you do this in secret with the only outlet is anonymous folks online. It can seem like you’re doing it for absolutely no reason other than to torture yourself. That’s how I’ve always been though, always seeing my own stuff as awful and regarding others work in such high regard. That gets to me a lot and it’s not just with my hobby. I do it in my real life/job all the time. I’m not looking for sympathy because I chose this as a hobby. I just sometimes need to vent and get all of this on the page so to speak. 

I have to remind myself of a few things constantly …

I make porn art.

No one should take themselves so seriously.

It’s a fun hobby most of the time. 

I hope that even a small amount that my work brings some of you some joy or a laugh because that’s what’s important to me. For people to enjoy what I do, for me to have fun and just exist without drama. There is no drama to speak of anymore but past experiences have taught me to be paranoid. And because I stay clear of interactions I potentially don’t notice or see it which is how I like it. 

I guess what I’m saying with all this is that I’m trying to evolve and change what I do, to make things that aren’t the norm and hopefully get better in the process. 

If your on this ride with me then I thank you and I’m always happy to read any comments and feedback left here. 

Danny.