It’s been a while since I’ve properly made anything. This is due to changes in life circumstances, time and the general health of my computer/myself.
Honestly it’s been so long that my desire to make anything is strained. Probably mental health stuff too but theres lots of things that have come up that certainly bug me.
The lack of anywhere proper to post, to actually have engagement with people who would perhaps want to see my work and this general trend of AI images that have started to flood the space. It’s why I tried my last one as a blend, honestly it came out okay but it wasn’t fulfilling. The demise of Twitter as we know it and preceded by Tumblr was the writing on the wall really. Discord grows smaller by the month due to me not posting enough and honestly I would’ve loved to open that up to everyone but when I’d been targeted and people shutting down everywhere I post it was necessary to keep it locked. Couple that with all the BS drama that unfolded a few years ago because someone decided they didn’t like me or how I did things I’m surprised I carried on.
When you do something for free it starts to show when you take time off, you start to ask yourself if you enjoy what you do in your free time and when sometimes the answer from your head is “No” it’s hard to justify the time sink.
I’ve also seen a disturbing amount of fakes that have bled into the mainstream apps claiming to be real. While this isn’t new it’s become more prevalent with general users accepting this and the post from said artist getting recognition and thousands, if not tens of thousands, of likes.
It’s kind of demoralising.
So I guess I’m not sure if I will come back but I won’t say I never will. Unless things change this end it’s just too difficult to have the free time to put in like I did. Gone are the days of 10+ posts a day. I’m lucky if I can do 1 in 10 months now.
It’s kind of sad to let something fizzle out when I genuinely enjoyed what I did as a hobby. But given the fact I always felt like I had imposter syndrome and thinking everyone else was better at what I did … it’s hard to find that spark that made me keep going.
And honestly that initial spark was depression. That’s not gone away really but I have other ways now of treating it and trying to live my life.
As the title suggests … I just started typing to see what came out. This is the result.
