I guess for a while now I’ve wanted to write my thoughts down but have never really been able to articulate it well. I don’t think I can now, even though I’m forcing myself to just write what comes to mind. Let’s see what come out.
You may/or may not have noticed a shift in how and what I make. This is obviously intentional on my part and that is for a few reasons. The main reason is simply because it’s the sort of style I want to make right now. I’ve always wanted to be able to draw, and if I could I would be able to make the things in my head more of a reality, but I have found myself putting hours and hours into photo manipulation instead of drawing. I’ve also started to not care as much about realism and have started introducing more exaggerated elements and a more painted style to my images. The painted style is a mix of blending but also physical painting with a Wacom tablet. I want to create more a more digital paint looking style without it looking like an action has been used via photoshop because they always look cheap to me. I want to be able to see the lines I’ve manipulated and worked on. Perhaps I’ll try to teach myself how to draw digitally(or other means) one day and work on it but I always think I should build on the skills I’ve developed already.
I guess for me it’s become apparent over the last few years that there is an abundance of people now who make fakes. For me it seems a little pointless for myself to add to the already saturated scene with things that can be viewed easily and anywhere. I started faking 7 years ago and back then it seemed like the art form was dying out with barely anyone making new things. Fast forward to now and there’s hundreds of people making stuff (As well as Deepfakes) and with the influx of more people making things comes the inevitable drama I see a lot of the time. I don’t want to be associated by proxy with this small group of people but it always seems to happen. I tend to stay away from it these days as that’s not why I do this but you can’t help but see things. It seems weird to me that people “compete” with each other or feel “threatened” by others that share their hobby. It’s why I stay away from it and barely engage with it all. That being said I do miss the connectivity from what was once my old Twitter and Discord communities. They are smaller now which is all good but they aren’t as lively as they once were.
Which brings me onto how lonely it can feel when you do this in secret with the only outlet is anonymous folks online. It can seem like you’re doing it for absolutely no reason other than to torture yourself. That’s how I’ve always been though, always seeing my own stuff as awful and regarding others work in such high regard. That gets to me a lot and it’s not just with my hobby. I do it in my real life/job all the time. I’m not looking for sympathy because I chose this as a hobby. I just sometimes need to vent and get all of this on the page so to speak.
I have to remind myself of a few things constantly …
I make porn art.
No one should take themselves so seriously.
It’s a fun hobby most of the time.
I hope that even a small amount that my work brings some of you some joy or a laugh because that’s what’s important to me. For people to enjoy what I do, for me to have fun and just exist without drama. There is no drama to speak of anymore but past experiences have taught me to be paranoid. And because I stay clear of interactions I potentially don’t notice or see it which is how I like it.
I guess what I’m saying with all this is that I’m trying to evolve and change what I do, to make things that aren’t the norm and hopefully get better in the process.
If your on this ride with me then I thank you and I’m always happy to read any comments and feedback left here.
Danny.
